David Warner has said that he will struggle to cope with memories of Phillip Hughes’ last innings at the Sydney Cricket Ground, while playing the fourth Test against India
Daniel Brettig04-Jan-2015On Tuesday, David Warner will walk out to bat a few metres away from the spot where he sat at Phillip Hughes’ side while medical staff worked desperately on his fallen team-mate. On Tuesday, Warner will stride to the middle, passing across pitch seven where Hughes was felled. On Tuesday, Warner will take guard and his left-hander’s gaze will take him naturally back to the part of the square where he helped cradle Hughes.On Tuesday, it will be six weeks to the day since Hughes was struck.Cricketers place a great deal of faith in their ability to block out unhelpful thoughts, distractions and images, but it would be quite simply inhuman for Warner to be able to ignore all of that. Since the first Test in Adelaide he has felt that this fourth match in Sydney would be the most difficult, and the constant reminders of Hughes and the place of his final innings have confirmed it.There has been time, sure, but the return to the SCG has brought a lot back. When one reporter queried Warner over whether he was feeling better about playing at the ground than he had thought he might – ending with the poser that now that some weeks have passed “will you be all right?” – Warner was as direct as his patented punch through the off side.”Nah, it’s not all right. At the moment, not just me but for the guys who were here as well, I can see the guys are putting on a brave face at the moment,” Warner said. “It really comes down to that national anthem and walking out there. We can come out here for training today and yesterday was okay but I was just standing out there just before talking to a friend of mine and just talking about the incident and know where I was fielding and now every time I go out there to field it’s going to be in the back of my mind, whoever we’re playing.”It always is going to be in the back of my mind, no matter what, every time I come here, every time I walk out on the field. Every time I’ve got nothing on my mind, I’m going to be thinking about it.”There has been progress since the last time Warner and his Australian team-mates were at the SCG, grieving and talking and wondering how they would manage to return to play the game that, for all their love of it, had found a way to rob them of one of their closest friends. In Adelaide, Warner went from losing his composure in his first net session to demonstrating enormous strength to carve out twin hundreds. That effort could not be maintained in Brisbane and Melbourne, and it remains to be seen how he will fare in Sydney. Warner has little idea how it will go.In Adelaide, David Warner went from losing his composure in his first net session to demonstrating enormous strength to carve out twin hundreds•Getty Images
“The first Test, not much was going through my head actually,” he said. “The first couple of training sessions I was nowhere and I didn’t really feel like I was moving my feet, just because in the forefront of my mind playing that incident over and over again. When you look back on social media, I could see those images of the guys holding him when we were down in that crouch position. It was that image that kept on replaying in my head.”I managed to get over it after the first couple of overs. I was playing on adrenalin. I know sometimes that’s the way I play but I didn’t anticipate to play like that. It was just all instinct and I think that actually calmed me down in a way.”This Test, I honestly can’t tell you until I go out there. I know when I walk out there and go to face up at that Randwick End, I know I’m going to be looking down at that spot. It’s going to be tough but I’ve got to hold back the emotions and try to do what I do for the team … score runs.”There have been plenty of low moments in between, of course, and the mess of emotions is summed up by how Warner pondered his recent entry into fatherhood. His partner Candice and daughter Ivy have been sources of much support and reason to smile, and yet Warner noted his gain had put him in a better position to appreciate the sense of loss felt by Hughes’ parents.”I think it has helped me a lot now that I’ve got a daughter,” he said. “Every time I go home, I’ve always got a big smile on my face to see my fiancée Candice and Ivy. I think it probably would have been a little bit different….I can feel now with having Ivy how much hurt and pain Hughesy’s family is going through.”They had 25 years of knowing Phil. It’s only been three months for me. I can’t put myself in their shoes. But the heartache they’re feeling, you know, it’s emotional. It’s going to be hard for them to come down here and watch this Test. I hope it never happens to myself. It’s a hard thing for me to fathom, what they’re going through at the moment.”One more permanent reminder of Hughes will be added to the ground on day one. A plaque and small bust of his grinning face will adorn an entrance to the Members’ Pavilion. Warner is grateful for this, as a reminder not of how Hughes died, but how he lived.”I think it’s a great thing that the Trust are going to do that for Phil and Phil’s family,” he said. “It’s one of those things where he would want us to keep going, keep smiling and keep playing the game that we love and the game that he loved. Every time we walk on and off the field, we’ll have a smile on our face and know that our little mate is with us.”On Tuesday, Warner will walk past that grinning face, and take the image with him. It might not block out the other memories, but it will help.